Growing up I had the experience that love was limited and was in fact a scarce commodity, and that upon each birth of my siblings, of which I have 3, love and attention was further divided between us.
This lack was so ingrained in my family system, it was a given without question.
Of course attention is limited, we can’t accommodate these endless needs..?
Of course money is limited, do you think money grows on trees..?
It all seemed very logical and normal to me, and so it became my inner reality, the filter through which I saw my life. And you can imagine, I didn’t even realise how much I was coming from lack, all the while being lost in myself and identified with this state.
This happens because when we are identified with the part of us that tells us we are in lack, we won’t actually notice as this part doesn’t know any different, as a good friend of mine would say.
This is our smaller or contracted Self.
For example, even writing right now I am running thoughts of how many valuable things I will have left to share in the future when I share this, and that this sharing will probably be the last good thing that will come out of me… but it doesn’t matter because I realise this part will always keep saying that.
Break through the love-limit
To break through this so called love-limit, you have to notice that you are not only the smaller self but in fact a much larger and more expansive energy that can be felt and sensed around you.
Your expanded or greater self is where you can feel into the infinity of love, possibility and abundance that is always available for you here, right now, and not in some distant future when enough healing has been reached.
If you have never sensed or felt this place, like I hadn’t, how can you strengthen and integrate this expanded state with who you are? Expansion and abundance will feel more like fleeting moments of good luck and temporary happiness as it does for many, and not as a more day to day state of being.
This sounds simple but isn’t always easy. Especially if you have strong conditioning and have formed patterns of unconsciously identifying with this lack as being “you”, this can be challenging at first.
Benefits of group work
The practice of letting in love and expanding is easier with others, in highly conscious and heart resonant groups for example. In this case, others temporarily become the expanded self around you and for you, reflecting what you may not yet feel on your own.
Groups can be like a double-edged sword. On one hand, participating can open, heal and awaken you, but it can also foster dependency on others as it did for me when I came from this place of unconscious identification with lack.
In my case, I projected this childhood experience onto the group, I was conscious enough of it, but unable to separate myself from it, which in larger groups felt worse to my smaller self than during childhood where receiving attention was divided between only 3 siblings, as I always feared not receiving enough love and attention.
Groups in this scenario will become an external source to meet unmet needs for love and attention in an unhealthy manner. Unhealthy only because it is self-avoidant, not because of needs to receive love and attention for who we truly are in our hearts, which are healthy needs.
There is no right or wrong about group work or needs. Most of society shames us for our needs consciously or unconsciously, and avoids people who open up to them because they don’t know how be with their own vulnerability of opening up and navigating needs in a way that uplifts them and everyone else. This leads to a disconnected society of fearful and suppressed people that are alone, empty and who feel depressed.
But because we do not always know when we are identified with our smaller or contracted self, when we are, we think there is something wrong with us that we need to change or fix, often by “doing” something.
What is mostly missed in this scenario is realising actually that we are in need of receiving love that we are blocking out from ourselves in that very moment and possibly from others too. This always happens out of perceived unsafety (our contracted self) that prevents us from letting in love.
We can practice receiving by opening ourselves up through expanding into the love that is available, which experience can be further amplified in group. This is the true complementary and strengthening effect that groups can have on you for your benefit.
Inspired insights
The first inspired insight is to remember that by avoiding to go within to be with yourself and not connecting with your intrinsic goodness, you will project your internal experience of lack onto others in groups and in life who can never fill this void for you, as I was doing. This will make group work an amplified experience of unconsciousness which is unproductive for your growth.
The second inspired insight is to practice holding space for your needs with love, while helping those with greater needs to discern their inner reality of identification with lack from the possibility that love is actually available to them then and there, so they can safely open to receive it. This means you will need to practice this for yourself first, as you cannot give to others what you cannot give to yourself.
The third inspired insight is to recognise that groups are only as strong as the level of consciousness of its members. A group can be used to strengthen or to weaken you. The difference lies in your inner world and intentions. Truly taking full responsibility for yourself by recognising that you are not broken or in need of rescuing or fixing but are whole and complete on your own will help you enter groups from a more solid place and provide a much more upgraded experience.
