Did you know that survival as we often know it isn’t actually real? Oh it’s a real feeling alright, but what we call survival states like scarcity and lack are actually a manifested reality that comes at some level from a disconnected and malnourished state of being.
In my case, I was spiritually and physically disconnected from my own larger connection with myself.
This is our source of infinite nourishment and support. It is our inner connection that expands out, it’s our abundant state that connects us also with the earth grid which nourishing and supports us.
Coming from a lineage that suffered two world wars, a hunger-winter in Holland, a great flood, depressions, financial collapses, losses, starvation, connecting to my larger self, this nourishing spirit-body of infinite abundance, sounded like a fantasy that would never be realistic or dependable.
Nevertheless, it is there. It’s an energetic state that requires openness to connect to, but it has nothing to do with “doing”, having a job, taking action or obtaining money.
There are billionaires who in the 2008 financial crisis lost half their money and committed suicide. Why? Because they created an identity based on their external value that they were living from.
Imagine losing half of your identity when the stability you found was in your financial worth and all the dependencies on status, power and influence it brought. The illusion of loss of self that they were so attached to and dependent on wreaked havoc on their minds.
When we don’t know who we really are, it is these attachments and feelings that drive our actions and responses, as in the case of the billionaire.
My story
I was so overwhelmed from identities (inner personalities) that were hijacking my inner world, it was like I was taking care of an entire kindergarden inside 24/7 that was distracting me from me.
Ironically, because of this caretaking, I actually believed I was completely unable to take care of myself and that I was utterly dependent. This loop created a perpetual cycle of insufficiency and inadequacy which was internal and self-generated! The reality was, I was unable to have any space within me, let alone have energy for any other external activities.
Essentially, I didn’t know how merged I was with this soup and became numb and unable to connect to myself, let alone what my unique and innate desires, longings or strengths even were.
This made me feel malnourished, depleted, disconnected and isolated, desperately seeking for love and attention so I could feel what it was like to be alive (literally living) for a single moment.
It took years of inner work until I could see and then begin the deeper process of separation from these thick and rusted layers of identity structures and belief systems that were conditioned into me.
Being disconnected from your disconnect
First, let me state that many people are disconnected from their pain and their true needs underneath. It’s kind of like the frog that doesn’t notice it’s in boiling water when the temperature slowly increases, but would instantly jump out without it experiencing the gradual change in temperature.
Of course, it’s not easy to notice the immensity of the soup we are swimming in when increasingly the world is becoming more complex and revealing deeper distortions which creates more confusion.
But, when you are disconnected from feeling your own disconnect you don’t feel this, like the frog, and actually think this is all normal. In fact, the only way you can experience this as normal is to be disconnected from yourself, your feeling body and intuition, and when you do, you would not feel this is normal at all.
And in that place, these people literally are living out an incomplete life, because an alive and vibrant self lies in our conscious individuation, our distinguishing differences and our uniqueness. It’s the opposite of a soup.
To live being alive requires opening to the depth of our feelings and emotions (e-motions means energy or life-force in motion), which can only happen when you first realise the disconnect you are in, which is the primary acknowledgment that begins your journey of opening, healing and feeling in connection.
That acknowledgement IS the point of life (energy of aliveness) re-entering you, because it is a statement of empowered allowance and truth.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to show others to move out of their disconnect when they have no perception that they are disconnected. Their own spirit must have the goal of awakening them to a different path with circumstances and nudges to open them up to this realisation.
This collective awakening process will wake up many more people over time, and the current lockdown is the perfect incubation period.
Inspired insights
My first tip if you connect to these survival patterns would be- less is more. Go within. You don’t need hardly as much as you think you do. Our world is bloated with consumerism which feeds both malnourishment of true needs and a state of addiction. These patterns hijack your inner world to convince you of perceived needs that have nothing to do with your real needs. The only deep need is your connection to your source of infinite abundance, from there the rest flows and comes. If you are not living from that place now, you have some baggage that requires dropping, as I did.
Second- connecting to your infinite self requires 1) acknowledgment, and at some point 2) others. Make no mistake- you cannot do this alone. I know, because I tried. Internal emotions and others reflection are guideposts, mirrors and reference points that keep you connected to who you are.
Withdrawing and doing things alone is another illusion in the grander scheme of your path preventing you from opening and being vulnerable in connection with others who will take you further into expansion so you can live out a greater version of who you really are.
The paradox therefore is that you don’t need others to be your complete self, but you can’t live out your full potential by yourself, because we are social and interconnected beings, not islands.
Third- following the second insight, another paradox I want to point out is that receiving love and attention are healthy and important, but the question is from which inner place or state are you asking? From lack, dependency and survival or from feeling intrinsically good as you are? From the first place, it won’t feel good to you or the other, from the second it will energise you and open the other. The nuance is that all this is available to you in the present moment, and when you are ready sometime ‘in the future’, which is yet another voice keeping you from connecting now.
Fourth- your emotional reality is either your greatest fuel-source and gift, or your biggest obstacle. Especially when women tell me they are not emotional, I cringe and feel a deep pain in my heart, as I feel the disconnect from their feminine essence from conditioning that they actually believe emotions aren’t part of their true essence. How could they ever be open and vulnerable with themselves in a deeper way and experience that connection with others and in larger life?
Vulnerability is the doorway to open and feel connected. It is an energetic state of allowance, openness and flow that is pure femininity at heart. So, the belief that femininity would be non-emotional cannot even possibly be true. However, what is true is that healing from such disconnection requires others that will bring up exactly that, past wounding in connection, so you will be challenged by inner voices that resist moving you towards that what you in fact need most. If you fall in this category, if there is one take-away you could take away, no pun intended, this would be it.
