Do you think you are the problem in your life? Do you feel stuck or in judgment that you can’t create a fulfilling life? Do you despair that it’s impossible to live your heart’s true desire?
I get it. It isn’t always easy to be loving and kind with ourselves, especially when we are pushed and pulled in so many directions (and out of ourselves) during these turbulent times.
At the same time, contrary to how some claim they have “been there”, are now “over that” and “have found happiness and fulfillment”, it is still a practice to choose to live a ever-greater version of yourself in the world.
This practice includes being able to use your pain as your purpose, which is where many people often get stuck and mired in their wounding. With ‘pain’ I mean your cumulative life experiences, identity structures, wounds, beliefs, conditioning, fears and resistances.
Especially when you feel you have experienced a lot of pain or suffering in your life, it will be an important practice for you to come to self-acknowledgment and recognition of your greatness, as it means you have even greater potential that spirit is wanting to bring out in your life through you.
When you are awakened, it is your spirit that attracts opportunities that pulls you through your feelings of stuckness and density. It does this often by using the very experiences of your core wounding to (this time around) push you out of your comfort zone and into using all that energy as your gift in alignment with your new path.
This is a topic all on its own, but it requires high level of self-discernment and recognition of it taking place for you to be able to re-integrate, heal and harness all that energy.
It also means we can conclude it is never about eradicating our pain and wounding, or “getting over pain”, as these are actually judgments of separation from our pain that is trying to come back to us to show us a new possibility.
After a tremendous amount of inner work, I still experience fear, stuckness and despair at times, because they provide a counter-weight to the gravity of my personal power and my potential. They are like the counter-weights in the gym that you want in order to build bigger muscle.
It also means, similar to a weight-lifter with bigger mass weights, that an increased level of stability and balance is required to maintain balance within that higher potential. Makes sense right?
The practice is therefore never to eradicate your painful emotions, but to learn to listen and use them as an ally to move forward. It is however important to clear your distortion patterns around your wounding, by which I mean the attachment and associations (identities, beliefs, conditioning) that we have about ourselves and our wounding that are not who we really are (our true self).
Can you imagine why people can get confused by all this right? Because the world of spiritual personal growth is full of generalisation and misconceptions based on distorted beliefs and personal wounding patterns. And what it requires is nuanced discernment of subtleties.
To practice this in part means actually to learn to discern when your inner voices are leading you off track or when they are actually leading you closer to your deeper truth which reflects the better direction for you.
For example, fear of taking a step that makes you feel scared and excited simultaneously is a “good” fear, showing you that are ready to take that step. You may ask, but why if it’s scary? Because embedded within the energy of that type of fear, lies excitability, an energising charge, which is a good indicator. Yet fear that is experienced viscerally in your body as tension and contraction is a sign that something is off, and you should take heed.
Practice practicing discernment and follow the energy of what feels “light(er)” when making choices, as it is your truth gauge speaking to you.
How did fear patterning start for me? Well, as a child I was unknowingly and unwittingly holding space (being a container) for my parents’ carried yet suppressed emotions of fear, helplessness and despair. To feel those dense emotional energies imprinted me with deep unconscious patterning that I wasn’t worth anything, that it was hopeless to try and that I would always fail.
You can feel how heavy that feels when you read it right? It’s because it isn’t true. But in my reality when I would try in life, the self-rejection would hammer me and make me feel even more worthless. A devastating self-fulfilling downwards cycle that felt very real to me.
What I needed was tremendous buoyancy (uplifting energy) to bring brightness and healing to who I was, to begin using these dense energies as forward moving momentum for growth and transformation. Yet, it is when we choose to move forward that more of our past wounding comes up to be acknowledged and re-purposed toward more openness, joy and abundance.
True deep healing is therefore always cyclical, this is why patterns often repeat many times before they can more fully “un-groove” from our system and we have obtained and extracted all the lessons and medicine from them. Something people like myself can get frustrated about when we say “again this pattern… I thought I was done with this!”.
Then there are those on the other side too claiming that we are never done with our pain, which is not a balanced truth either. Although there is truth in the statement, as the part that we are never done with is the part we need to use to transform into our gifts that our soul brought us here to use as our purpose. The distortions of our not-self however, can be cleared and for true awakening, need to be.
Inspired Insights
The inspired insight is the more pain or density you feel you have experienced, the more purpose and potential you have too. Your pain gives you depth and gravitas that you will need to learn to channel into your purpose.
